Disappointment

So, I started today really hopeful about things. But then... things got crappy.

I was supposed to go fill out new hire paperwork at the job that I got, but, I decided that this job would not benefit me in any way except to give me a little minimum wage pay. I wouldn't help my resume (it might even hurt my resume), and it wouldn't help me expand my social circle.
Technically I was hired at a tutoring program for inner city kids (which helps my resume!! Environmental Education major right here!!), but that job doesn't start until the end of October. So, now, I just need to convince my mom to let me not have a job until then.

I then had a near breakdown because I feel so bad about myself. I have applied to countless jobs, and none of them except a sandwich shop called me back. Not even a rejection - just no call at all. It makes me think, is there something about me that is inadequate? What am I doing wrong?

And then I found out that my grandma broke her hip in Yuma and had to drive to the hospital all the way over in San Diego because my grandpa is nearly blind and couldn't drive. So, we will find out tomorrow how badly her hip is broken. If it's bad enough, they will have to leave Mexico and move to either Phoenix with my parents, or San Diego.

AND THEN I started thinking I was a bad mom because my kitten has been sick and still is and I've been calling the vet and they keep telling me he's fine, he just has to get over it. And he just meows and meows at me and I try playing with him, picking him up, changing his water, giving him more food, cleaning his litter box, and he keeps meowing! I don't know what he wants. It makes me feel like I will never be a good actual mom.

Anyway - it's not even 9:00pm and I'm very, very tired. I will probably read some more of The Fault In Our Stars tonight because I read a lot more of it today sitting in the Union Green at my school and I got really in to it. I still think it's a little pretentious, but I am enjoying it. I think partially because I like the author as a person very much.

Okay. Bye.