Classes/Friends

I am so scared. Tomorrow is the first day of classes and I'm terrified. Not for the classes themselves, but for the possibility I'm going to fall into what I did last year, which was essentially a black hole of depression and anxiety. My life became school - I didn't have friends, I didn't join any clubs. I never got out and about.

In these past three days I've reconnected with some old friends, and I've made quite a few new friends through them. And because of this, I'm really optimistic that I will have the opportunities to build a social life. I think seeing my therapist again will help me to figure out what I need to do in order to make sure I stay on track both with school and keeping a life outside of classes.

I guess I will just have to wait and see. And it all starts tomorrow. Goodnight, I guess.

Mom Might Be Coming!!

Okay so I had a really good day and night and I got to see all of my friends again and it was exciting not being a freshman anymore. I met a lot of cool people and I really hope to have a good year full of friends.

ALSO, a thing happened. My mom asked me to call her tonight when I got home, and I got home pretty early so I did. And she said she has an interview with a company up here. So my family might be moving up here, or at least my mom might. She said we will know by the end of the month. I am so excited. I can live with my family again!!

Listen

Feeling sad and excited all at once. Have a listen to a very, very good song HERE.

Photograph

So today while I was wearing my yoga pants and a giant hoodie watching Say Yes To The Dress and eating dinner, my neighbor (he’s a photographer) came and knocked on my door and asked if I would pose for a portrait because he was playing with different lighting and whatever. I said sure because I was kind of taken aback so I went to his place and just sat on his couch and did what he told me to do and held these different colored poster boards to influence the light etc. I felt hyper aware of everything because he would notice if I moved even slightly. And no one had ever taken my photo and I was so just in my head thinking that my face must look weird or something. And I know I wasn’t pretty tonight or anything and that he was just fiddling with different light etc. but I felt cool and flattered in a way because no one has ever asked to take my photo. So, that’s a good experience from sophomore year already.

Disappointment

So, I started today really hopeful about things. But then... things got crappy.

I was supposed to go fill out new hire paperwork at the job that I got, but, I decided that this job would not benefit me in any way except to give me a little minimum wage pay. I wouldn't help my resume (it might even hurt my resume), and it wouldn't help me expand my social circle.
Technically I was hired at a tutoring program for inner city kids (which helps my resume!! Environmental Education major right here!!), but that job doesn't start until the end of October. So, now, I just need to convince my mom to let me not have a job until then.

I then had a near breakdown because I feel so bad about myself. I have applied to countless jobs, and none of them except a sandwich shop called me back. Not even a rejection - just no call at all. It makes me think, is there something about me that is inadequate? What am I doing wrong?

And then I found out that my grandma broke her hip in Yuma and had to drive to the hospital all the way over in San Diego because my grandpa is nearly blind and couldn't drive. So, we will find out tomorrow how badly her hip is broken. If it's bad enough, they will have to leave Mexico and move to either Phoenix with my parents, or San Diego.

AND THEN I started thinking I was a bad mom because my kitten has been sick and still is and I've been calling the vet and they keep telling me he's fine, he just has to get over it. And he just meows and meows at me and I try playing with him, picking him up, changing his water, giving him more food, cleaning his litter box, and he keeps meowing! I don't know what he wants. It makes me feel like I will never be a good actual mom.

Anyway - it's not even 9:00pm and I'm very, very tired. I will probably read some more of The Fault In Our Stars tonight because I read a lot more of it today sitting in the Union Green at my school and I got really in to it. I still think it's a little pretentious, but I am enjoying it. I think partially because I like the author as a person very much.

Okay. Bye.

That Wanting Feeling

Two posts in one day, I know, too much. But I'm trying to build up the content on my blog, and also, I got inspired to write a post.

I am so extremely excited (and extremely stressed) about the next three months. I will meet new people and challenge myself in new classes and hopefully get emotionally stronger. But, I was looking through my old pictures on my phone, trying to clear up some space to download iOS 7, and I came across all of my Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas pictures. I love the holidays! I want to listen to Christmas music already, but I wait until November to do that.

I think Christmas is something I anticipate so much because it means that I get to go home. I'm leaving Seattle on December 13th this year and I'm already counting down. I love love love Seattle but being home for Christmas is the more comfortable feeling in the world. I miss my family every moment that I'm not with them - my mom, my dad, my brother and our two cats, Bisbee and Zoe, and our dog, Spice.

I'm going to be sad and stressed to leave Levi in Seattle, relying on cat sitters and neighbors to take care of him. I feel like a mom - I worry when I leave him alone for even an hour! I think part of that might be because he has an upper respiratory infection right now.

Anywhere, I know you probably don't care, but here are some pictures of last holiday season that warm my heart.

Introductions

One of my few friends from school (Coral) has inspired to me try and work on a blog that is a bit more put together than Tumblr - kind of as a way to remember things, a journal if you will.
My name is Taylor, I am 19 and studying Environmental Studies in Seattle. My biggest passions in life are the environment, vegetarianism, cats, and learning.
I'm just about to embark on another year at school, and I am determined to make this year much better than last. I live in a beautiful home in a beautiful city. I have a cute and cuddly friend (Levi, my 10 week old kitten). I have two good friends I know I can always lean on, and the determination to make more new friends. I am getting more into my major classes and I just got a job that will allow me to expand my social circle outside of school and make some money to do more fun things like:

1. Go to lots of concerts: Blue October (10/06), Twenty One Pilots (11/05), Issues (11/16).
2. Go to Canada: November 9th-11th with Coral & others and NYE with my brother!
3. Go camping!

So, whether you just stumbled upon my blog, or you found me because I linked this to my Tumblr, you're going to get to know me pretty well, even more than you might already know from my other blogs or in real life.

I will leave you now with a picture of my baby Levi: